The Toolkit (Part 1)

(Note: I'm in 2 minds over this post. While it is true and honest, I can't help thinking it reveals a side of me that is more sooky or soppy than I'd prefer. But, in the spirit of adventurous self discovery let's hoist the mainsail, damn the torpedos, set controls for the heart of the sun and straight on until morning. Or something like that.)

One way that I've found to combat my depression is to have tangible items that I can rely on. See, depression has a way of making you not trust your thoughts. What you believe is true in a normal frame of mind can seem totally not true when you're going through a low point. The stuff in your head just cannot be relied upon. So I look for things that don't give my screwed up mind any chances to second guess them. These things are simple, tactile and portable

In order to have my tangible items on hand, I have constructed a toolkit in which to carry them. This toolkit is also known as a 'wallet'. Here's what's in it:

1. $5 note. This note has a particular purpose. It is there so that, when things get tough, I can go and get some doughnuts - nature's perfect food. Doughnuts always make a person feel better and are thus one of the antidotes to depression. I know, and trust, that the sublime combination of fats and sugars will never, ever treat me bad. In fact, I often think that doughnuts were created just for me, since we are such a good fit.

2. Drawings. I carry a notebook in my pocket when at work. Aside from making me look extremely dorky, it allows me to jot down odd bits of information that I may need later. It is also useful as a way to distract the Princess and the Bomb when waiting for meals to be served (or doughnuts to be bagged). So, of the many masterpieces they have created, I have saved a couple for my toolkit. Being able to see a picture of myself as the Princess sees me is a marvelously objective way to counter the low self view that I sometimes carry.

3. Guitar Pick. This guitar pick (Dean Markley, Bright Yellow, .96mm for the trainspotters) reminds me that I can take an hour off from work, go to a nearby music or second hand shop and bash away on a guitar or two. It also reminds me that I am more than a deskfull of reports and PC full of emails. I have powers beyond mere accounting and deep within my heart lies a powerful combination of creativity, melody and rock 'n roll.

(I've split this post into 2 parts because it looks quite big and I have no idea how to do folds or jumps or whatever they are in Blogger).

depression