Bits and Pieces

When all else fails, LINK!!

* How boring am I? I had a rare 1/2 hour to myself at work so I worked out my tax return for this coming June.

* A new season of AFL has begun, so make sure you head on over to Football Invective for all your fixins.

* And Eaglesflyinghigh.com for all the pain an Eagles fan can bear.

* And Aftergrog.blog for all the pain a Melbourne fan can bear.

* W00T$$ - sold our first thing on flea-bay. Now to clear out the rest of the house. And no, dear, you may not sell any of my guitars.

* Youtube goodness, cause I need a laugh:

David Blaine 1
David Blaine 2
David Blaine 3

Cheezits! Cheezits! Cheezits! Cheezits!

* 2BarRiff is running in the ASICS Gel Bridges fun run this weekend. First person to spot me and introduce themselves wins breakfast at McDonalds with the 2BarHousehold straight afterwards.

As you may be able to tell, it's been busy and tough the last couple of weeks so I haven't put much as much energy into blogging. Work is going freakin' nuts (I have two 'Acting' job titles, in addition to my normal one at the moment) but still in a good way. And another relative died this last week, not extremely close but enough to suck out whatever wind was in the sails.

No wonder I drink alcohol.

Death by T-ball

"If we lose another game I'll kill myself" said the Princess.

"Don't do that" I said.

"Why not?"

"Because you're too small to think of a cool way to kill yourself. Let me do it. I'll think of something cool."

"Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know. I might tie you to the back of my car by your wrists and drive around the block a few times. Or I could just tickle you until you explode".

Such are the morbid conversations we have. Since the kids got Tamagochis (not my doing, talk to Madame2Bar) the whole cycle of life thing has become topic du jour in the 2Bar household.

My brother died yesterday.

The cancer got him in the end, after a long struggle and apparent remission.

We weren't that close due to RIWGI (Reasons I won't go into) but it's still been an emotional time, especially this last week. My immediate family are taking it hard and, while I aren't crying or carrying on, I am feeling physically ill - which is my standard response, apparently.

The Bomb wants to know if his uncle will come back as an egg, just like the Tamagochi.

Diary Entry from the Road #2

A little worse for wear today. Yesterday was full on and, while I'm coping, the temptation to just stay in my room and sleep for a couple of hours is high (I just snuck back to the room during the lunch break).

I don't really have an excuse as I broke one of my travelling rules - no big meals. It helps to eat very little and/or go vegetarian as I find that food on the road is a bit rich and my body spends too much energy processing meals instead of concentrating.

The advantage of eating more is, of course, being able to drink more, but I've successfully stayed away from the slops (mostly).

I had a good 6 hours sleep due to my favourite relaxation technique - lying in a hot bath with a good album on the mp3 player. Last night it was Keane's Hopes and Fears and tonight it will either be Massive Attack's Collected or Keane's Under the Iron Sea.

Anyway, time to check the emails and psyche myself up for the afternoon session.

Diary Entry from the Road #1

I'm away on business this week and I'm wondering, as I eat breakfast on the balcony, enjoying the sun rise over the ocean ... am I a prick because I'm upset that the toast is cold?

Famous person count: 2 (David Helfgott and Angry Anderson)

Back!

Again!

The lack of posting was brought to you by a week's holiday in one of the wildest, most dangerous parts of Western Australia.

That's right! Busselton.

Rules of Accounting

Just because I can

It occurred to me the other day that, since I've spent more than a decade in the workforce, I should have some words of wisdom.

So, here are 2BarRiff's 5 Rules of Accounting:

1. It's all about the cash.
Everything else is smoke and mirrors.

2. Don't let anyone know how you do things.
If they knew how easy it was then they'd be doing it.

3. The only thing harder than trying to manage a result that looks bad is trying to manage a result that looks too good.
A Bad result means you get to interrogate everyone because they missed something.
A Good result means you have to interrogate yourself because you missed something.

4. It's not about the numbers, it's what the numbers mean.
Accountants deal in information, not numbers. But remember Rule 1.

5. Making the hard decisions can be easy.
Remember, as an accountant no-one expects you to have either a conscience, a personality or friends. This can be a plus. The minus is that it only works down. The guy above you is a bigger prick than you are.

Am I Better Yet?

Ok ... how about now?

I mentioned during my last therapy session that, while I am feeling better more often, I don't think I've shaken the depression.

The response was for my counselor to ask what told me that I was still depressed.

My answer was to refer to bad sleeping patterns (still) and just the general feeling. It wasn't much of an answer and obviously something that requires more thinking about.

It's interesting to think about these types of questions - How do I know that I'm better? How do I know that I'm not?*

I guess the easiest way to work out if I'm better is to stop taking the anti-depressants and see if I feel the same. (BTW, I said it was the easiest way, I didn't say it was the smartest way)

At the end of the day, I'm guessing that depression, or at least, my depression, is a combination of depth and frequency. If I was to be in the state defined as 'well', I would still experience a range of emotions. However, for me, depression is about experiencing certain emotions (the darker ones) deeper and more often than a 'well' person would.

I have my unexplained blue moods, my inability to concentrate, my procrastination and my decision avoidance. Also my inability to form coherent paragraphs :-)

A better question might be: 'What am I listening to when deciding one way or the other?'

What I am listening to is the small voice during the quiet moments that says "No, you're not better yet. There's more work to do, so be patient"

* The mere fact that I can ask these questions is a positive for me. I can see that parts of me are starting to look forward to being better. Hope is a wonderful thing.

I don't do New Year's resolutions much.

Or grammar.

Mostly, I do Old Year's resolutions. That is, I spend New Year's Eve alternatively drinking and trying to recall both what on earth I resolved to do last year and whether or not it was achieved.

If memory serves me correct (he says, channeling Chairman Kaga), last year's Resolution was to 'get better'. This was achieved, but in a round-a-bout way: 'better' was initially meant to mean completely better, but was transformed into meaning 'better than I was before'.

And thus, I also believe that this is one of the few times that I've set and achieved an NYR.

(I am well aware that I'm not only too lazy to keep typing the subject of this post in full, I'm also too lazy to copy and paste it. Beating depression is all about understanding and accepting your limitations. Mine is a lack of diligence. Otherwise known as the king-lazies. I also procrastinate, which is why this paragraph is longer than typing NYR.)

I achieved an NYR when, at about age 21, I stopped drinking for a year. This was easy to do as I was dirt poor and could barely afford uni books let alone any of the good stuff. I was also a very angry young man when I started drinking and didn't want to be like that anymore. That problem has been solved - I'm now a funny older man when I drink. Well, at least I think so and, since another part of handling depression is not seeking validation externally but internally, I'll just keep on thinking so.

Another NYR that succeeded was to get married. Granted, I set this when I was about 17 and achieved it about 9 years later, but I don't bow to anyone's petty rules, including the one about NYR's lasting for a year. It was set in a new year, and it was resolved, ok??? Fine.

What I hate about developing a new NYR, as opposed to recycling one from last year, is that I end up with a list a mile long. (Yes, I've measured it - only the facts on this blog). Anything from losing weight, to budgeting better, to being happy, to not being sad to blogging more gets thrown onto the list. And none of it makes me happy.

Partly, it's because I still have a problem with goal-setting taking the fun out of things. Partly it's just because a bunch of affirmations is still an ugly to-do list that screams out that it needs to BE DONE. NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW. I hate that. I prefer to run on 2BarRiff time, which does not run on the same urgency as the rest of the world.

I tried to cut the list down to 2 big things. But even that was a bit bleah. Again with the to-do list.

So this year's NYR has been slimmed down to something that I think will last because it's more value laden:

EAT SLOWLY

Yup, that's it.

The driver was the realisation that I wasn't enjoying food (although I was enjoying eating). I had the impression that my sense of taste was becoming less sensitive and so wanted to slow down eating to spend more time experiencing tastes and textures.

But, more than eating, I also want to consume everything at a slower rate. I chew through books quickly but retain little knowledge unless I read them again. I start something focusing mainly on the end, not on the process of doing it. I'm impatient and have less joy in my life than I want.

I want to spend more time writing, learning and creating but I believe that it won't happen at the rate I'm going. Aside from the amount of grey hairs that I'm creating - that's rocketing along.

So Eat Slowly. Rush less. Experience more.

We'll see how it goes. In 11 month's time anyway.

New Favourite Site - LOL DJs

Still here, but sort of not ...

Just having a blogging holiday for a while. Lotsa reading and thinking, plenty of working.

Plenty of swimming in this 40 degree heat, too.

Will start writing again soon. I think.