Wednesday 7 January 2009

Another Year, O Dear

No fear, I'll have another beer.

Or not.

I think my average for New Year's resolutions is about 100% over the last two years. I have gotten better, and I have eaten (and experienced things) more slowly.

This year I think I'd like to work on my mission more. To try and draw my disparate hobbies and interests into something concrete. To pull my random stuff together into a thing. The lack of ever having a sense of a fulfilling mission has been a determining factor in my depression.

Over-arching all of that is a desire to simplify. To not waste time so much on new stuff but focus on what I've started but haven't finished. For example, the desire to buy and learn the saxophone is currently percolating through my brain, but I have a relatively new and difficult instrument that I just haven't gotten around to mastering yet.

I also want to get back to writing, so I'm formulating a series on depression as well as toying with the idea of running a separate blog (under my own name) on my progress with the other instrument.

A new thing for this year is to start by listing what I'm grateful for over the last year (in no particular order):
* Employment. Still continuing though there have been a few moments. The money is good, benefits are ok, power is almost non-existent but I'm working on it.
* Depression. I'm still fighting it, but there are more victories than defeats
* Family. My children are a never ending source of amusement, entertainment, wonder and fear. All the things life should be made up of, I guess.
* Madame2Bar. I still can't quite believe that she's mine, and I'm grateful for every day with her. Plus she can cook. And it's our 10 year wedding anniversary and 13 year dating anniversary this year. Which is, respectively, 10 years and 12.75 years longer than I ever though I would manage.
* God. I haven't felt close this last year, but I know that I am. I see God working around me every now and then, and it's been these little miracles that have helped me keep my faith.
* Music. I love music. It's something I'm more attuned with than I ever realised. This year has seen me focus a little more on the why rather than the doing. So when I started playing in the new church, it was actually fun again (plus I don't have to lead or sing).

What aren't I grateful for?
* GFoc and the tyrants I work for. While they seem to set new standards in assholery, it's been a positive stress, and my hair looks kind of cool now that it's over half grey.
* The demise of OneBarRiff. Dying sucks, no doubt about it. My advice is to avoid it where possible.
* Friendships. Aside from Madame2Bar, I still have a rather empty dance card when it comes to friendships. I, of course, think I am wonderful but it seems that I can't quite convince the rest of the world of this truth.