Over the last few weeks I have realised a disturbing personality trait, which I dislike. It has also, without me realising it, set up at pattern in my relationships which needs to be broken. It’s Chatter.
I hate silence. I feel it needs to be filled with talk or I am somehow failing the other person or not showing enough interest in them or the conversation. I find this trait also translates over into the written word. Instead of saying something in one sentence I find I do it in ten sentences. In my mind this somehow makes me seem or appear intelligent enough to carry on a conversation. Instead of talking to a person I am talking at the person.
My mind is so busy thinking of the next thing to say that I am not listening fully to what the other person has to say. Interrupting them or finishing their sentences is very irritating. Also the other person doesn’t get a word in edge wise. Master2Bar doesn’t say much in our conversations, which has been a real concern to me as I want to hear what his thoughts are as well. He is very interesting and full of great ideas. What I didn’t realise is that I am so busy filling the silence (which is when Master2Bar is thinking) that he doesn’t get a chance to say anything. This is fine for him because he enjoys me talking and it’s easy to let me go on without him having to say much at all.
Another fear is the pattern I’ve set up for the Princess. She also chatters from morning to noon to night. This is partly her age and also I am her primary role model. We have noticed that she has trouble stringing together a sequence of events, even it if it just happened. You can see her brain working but her mouth is already moving. I see a lot of myself in Princess and I fear she is going to have trouble later with her social and language skills at school. We have to train her to focus and organise her thoughts before she speaks.
So my challenge for the next few weeks is to stop chattering, give Master2Bar a chance to express himself and help Princess all I can. This is not going to be easy but my relationships with my family are more important then some inane chatter
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4 comments:
To me, the sound of your voice is like angels singing love songs. I cannot think of a time that it has ever bothered me.
The Princess on the other hand - sometimes I think of getting some masking tape for a minute's peace.
Like most parenting issues, I think this is one for the long haul
The other thing: I love that you are trying hard to give me space to express myself. But I have noticed 2 problems:
1. We both know that I am not very good at expressing myself (even though I am trying and getting better) so sometimes I cannot fill the space.
2. The silence with which you are giving me space is exactly the same as the silence you use when you are grumpy and playing 'No Speaky's". I am still getting used to this.
Well considering it's only been two days, these problems will no longer exist when I break the habit.
I heard it takes 21 days to break a habit so we've got 19 days to go!
No speakys silence is very different to allowing you to express yourself silence. You will get use to it.
You will get used to it
*shudder*
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