Eeeeeew

Or is it Ewwwwwwwww?

Either way, that's the result of the surgery (approx 10cms long). I can't say whether it's been successful or not as I'm still on an enforced rest period - no lifting, gardening or playing guitar allowed. It does feel looser though. Beforehand, pressing your thumb just above the cut was like pressing wood, now it's as loosey-goosey as a normal arm. So I'm hopeful that I won't have any more issues.

The medication is going well, sort of. I can't say that I've felt depressed in the time that I've been taking it, but I have noticed some anxiety issues where I've been waking up at all hours thinking about things (that would ordinarily be easily solved) and I've had a bad stomach which is normal when I get anxiety.

The waking up issues I've put down to my procrastination (depression related) coming up against my anxiety over work. To that end, I've started using the methods from Getting Things Done which has allowed me the ability to focus on small tasks and maintain a sense of control (and get things done!). Highly recommended.

The lack of blogging has been from general tiredness and reacquainting myself with Francis Crawford of Lymond. I must say that I love these books, although Dorothy Dunnett does expose my rudimentary French in all it's crappiness. Again, highly recommended if you buy a French (and Latin, and Spanish) dictionary.

So that's the small update. I haven't really been thinking too much about depression as I wanted a bit of a rest so there's no pearls of wisdom around at the moment. Instead, have a pool shot of the Bomb and me in the pool.



(Since that shot, the water feature is done and the headers are sitting on our front lawn awaiting installation - progress!)

Is Hungry Jacks heaven sent?

The Hungry Jacks near us had a fire go through it last week and was shut down. We drove past it tonight on the way home when the Princess noticed it had been repaired and people were eating inside again. In a very loud voice she shouts

'Hungry Jacks is fixed and working, Praise the Lord!'

I think I may have to monitor the frequency with which she eats there!

Q: How dumb am I? A: Read on ...

One thing I forgot to mention about the Zoloft.

I bought the tablets and the nice young lady at the pharmacy told me to take one at night. I took one at 6.00 because I don't want to take them too late due to the insomnia-type side effects.

Only, I should have read the label, as should the nice young lady, because it was actually half a pill.

I am going to be soooo sick tomorrow.

Medication Situation

My experience with pills and depression has not been good.

Initially I was against taking medication. I had the example of my sister who also has depression. She was quite happy to take her pills and be, um, happy. But never looked to be trying to fix things. I wanted to fix myself and, I guess, the idea of not being of full faculty went against this. Was it pride? Maybe, but I did believe that I had the wherewithall to conquer this problem.

I was prescribed Endep for my arm pain a little while ago and, by the way, it should help with the depression. To say the side effects were bad would be an understatement. I felt dizzy and disorientated almost straight away. I can't recall ever feeling physically worse - it was like having a bad case of the flu. This episode reinforced my anti medication stance.

Today, I bit the bullet and got my prescription for Zoloft filled.

My reasoning is thus: I came in to work this morning and, while there was plenty of work to do, I fiddled and farted around for ages before getting stuck in. Every task felt to big and there were feelings of inadequacy and wanting to run away. Again.

This has happened numerous times in the past and the procrastination is a symptom of my depression. I decided that I needed help in getting better, so little white pills here I come!

So do I consider taking medication a failure? No. Initially in my therapy I would have but I know, today, that I can't do on my own.

This isn't the start of getting better but I hope it's the difference between walking and runnning towards the finish line.

5 Riffs you may not remember (or have ever heard of)

To show the random things that go through my head at work, here is a list of guitar riffs that I used to practice a lot that you may not have heard of:

T-Rex: 20-th Century Boy. Cunningly simple and, is it just me or does he look like Alanis Morrissette?

Judas Priest: Desert Plains. "The engine roars between my thighs". Keats, Shakespeare, Halford. LOL

Living Color: Type. Of course, if I dressed like that I'd look like a twat.

King's X: Over My head. A guitar tone I've never heard before or since. And a 12-string, left handed bass!

Eric Gales Band: Resurrection. And he was 16 when the song was first recorded. Ouch!

Of course, my ability to solo isn't quite as good but not too shabby.