Medication Situation

My experience with pills and depression has not been good.

Initially I was against taking medication. I had the example of my sister who also has depression. She was quite happy to take her pills and be, um, happy. But never looked to be trying to fix things. I wanted to fix myself and, I guess, the idea of not being of full faculty went against this. Was it pride? Maybe, but I did believe that I had the wherewithall to conquer this problem.

I was prescribed Endep for my arm pain a little while ago and, by the way, it should help with the depression. To say the side effects were bad would be an understatement. I felt dizzy and disorientated almost straight away. I can't recall ever feeling physically worse - it was like having a bad case of the flu. This episode reinforced my anti medication stance.

Today, I bit the bullet and got my prescription for Zoloft filled.

My reasoning is thus: I came in to work this morning and, while there was plenty of work to do, I fiddled and farted around for ages before getting stuck in. Every task felt to big and there were feelings of inadequacy and wanting to run away. Again.

This has happened numerous times in the past and the procrastination is a symptom of my depression. I decided that I needed help in getting better, so little white pills here I come!

So do I consider taking medication a failure? No. Initially in my therapy I would have but I know, today, that I can't do on my own.

This isn't the start of getting better but I hope it's the difference between walking and runnning towards the finish line.