Depression has a way of making little things bigger.
And not just in a bad way such as where the smallest thing (like getting out of bed on a Sunday morning and going to church) can leave me bedridden for the day.
Somedays, little thoughts come to me and I suddenly feel that, if I could just catch this little thing, I'd get a bit better. I could decide that it might be leaving my emails until the afternoon, or just eating fruit on a Monday.
2 weeks ago, I was going into the local IGA/Foodworks/Farmer Jacks or whatever it is. I call it the Bogan Emporium, on account of me being the only person in the checkout queue not buying cigarettes.
The tiny thought came into my mind that I am kind of mean to people in my mind and that, if I was just a bit nicer to people, in my mind, then things would get better. Sort of like a bit of mental positive karma.
So I gave it a go. There was the overweight, hairy man in front of me in the queue, holding an esky which he wanted to buy. Instead of my usual thought process (Smelly fat guy with too much alcohol for one esky) I tried to think of positives, and then tried to think of nothing at all because I couldn't think of any.
Then he moved up to the checkout girl. So I tried again ... not overly attractive, looks like a nice person, could do something with her hair ... ok, it wasn't much but I didn't give her my normal label - "mouthbreather".
Quite proud of myself, I was. Until the fat guy began to talk to her.
"All those eskys smell" He said "Even this one smells though not as bad. Can you smell it?". He angled it towards the girl.
"I can't smell anything" she said "I'm a mouthbreather".
I stopped trying after that.
Monday 15 December 2008
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