One more thing that I just don't get

Hello, my name is 2BarRiff and I am an accountant.

So much so that I get the Australian Financial Review home delivered so I can read it at work with my first coffee.

Now it's not often that I find something in the AFR that horrifies me, aside from paying $2.70 for 56 pages, or the appalling website. But today on page 6 there was an article titled "Watching pay TV gets more expensive".

Within, I found that normal, basic, Foxtel was going up $1 per month to $31.95 per month. That's not so bad. What was shocking was finding out out that more than 40% of Foxtel's subscribers take the platinum package - now $105.95 per month. Eh?????

Now, granted that's 150 channels but at least 148 of them are crap most days. And the other 2 are usually some obscure sports show or reruns of Hey Dad.

To put it in perspective, for that price you could pay our monthly private health insurance, or my life insurance - yes, Madame2Bar becomes a millionaire if I kick the bucket. It also pays nearly 3 semesters of the Princess' school fees or 2 month's worth of 'Thin Review' home deliveries.

And at least those are tax deductible.

I weep for the future of mankind #833

So, I'm standing at the counter at Miss Maud's when the lady next to me orders a Chicken and Salad Baguette.

Only she pronounced it Bag-you-et-tea.

Most addictive site ever?

iSketch.

Find me in the easy rooms!!!

5 more guitar tracks

I had a thought recently to revisit my list of 5 songs that were big influences on me guitarwise, mainly because the list, as presented, seemed to have shredded my indie credibility.

Plus I was stuck in a 2 day OH&S seminar. Bleah. Snore. Bleah.

So here's another list that will hopefully enhance my coolness:

The Stone Roses: She Bangs the Drum. The guitar work always sounds like 2 guitars when it's usually just one. Plus a cool bass riff as well.

The Smiths: This Charming Man. Run that intro a few times. Amazing - I can remember being so frustrated trying to learn it. Must be why I hate Morrissey.

Lloyd Cole & the Commotions: Lost Weekend: In fact, all of 'Easy Pieces' is pretty cool to play along with. The last few seconds of the video is a reminder why skinny Englishmen should not dance.

Matthew Sweet: Sick of Myself. The riff is one that I almost always play when I pick up a guitar.

James: Born of Frustration. Not a real 'guitar-y' track but a cool riff nonetheless. Anyway, it was either this or 'Linger' by the Cranberries and I like this song more. I don't know why the radio stations play 'Laid' and not this song.

Note to self: Must try harder

I don't consider myself all that dumb when it comes to things internetty. What I want I can usually find. Witness, for instance, this, this, this or this - all stuff I was looking for and found.

However, when it comes to blogs about depression, I've never been able to find much that is either a) good b) updated regularly or c) both. (As opposed to this blog which is none of the above).

So it was with a tiny bit of personal shame that I finally got hold of this: The top 10 depression blogs as rated by psychcentral.com. Shame that I had missed it, and shame that I wasn't on it. Maybe if I was more depressed and could be bothered writing about it I might get somewhere in this blogging caper.

The reality is that I've been wallowing in some shallow depths of despair by letting small things get the better of me. Work, relationships, parents, church, parents, parents, kids, parents and so on. At a superficial level things look crap but, when I could be bothered to stretch my view out over a longer term, they aren't so bad. Batting away the procrastination is still harder than I though it would.

I guess I'm forgetting the lessons I'm learning about viewing time and so on. With OneBarRiff staring down the barrel of a 6 to 12 months life expectancy, you'd think I would be able to put things in perspective. Even with depression.

The good thing out of all this is that I now have about 8 new depression sites to visit to, ah, make me feel better 'n stuff.

Grrr

I can't believe it! I'm in the mood to go through my drafts and actually post something but I can't find my memory stick.

Now I have to come up with something new. Crap!

Bits 'n Bobs

My great return to blogging has been a little less than impressive. Thankfully, with Madame2Bar out visiting a friend in hospital, the kids in bed and bugger all on TV I have almost zero excuse to blog.

After working my way through the procrastination flowchart, that is (thanks Téa).

I just realised that, even though I've not been blogging, I have at least a dozen draft posts and a good size more ideas sitting on my thumb drive awaiting posting. Which makes me question whether I am a) depressed or b) just a lazybum.

The fascist Howard dictatorship has now been turfed out of office. I must admit that it would have been funnier watching Labor self-destruct after another defeat, than the inevitable Liberal 'handbags-at-dawn' fight over the tattered remains of what is left of their party. I won't cry myself to sleep that Kevni won ... the Liberals have been hard to love lately. I wonder if the party will reform under a new title or continue as Australia descends to one-party rule? Interesting times ...

My little brother, heretofore dubbed 'OneBarRiff', has been in hospital for a number of months with some pretty serious stuff. He thinks he contracted it when his immune system was low on account of depression. Wait a minute ... sister, brother, me ...? I'm sensing a pattern here. So are my parents, which brings more crap to deal with.

Owning a pool is great. I think I've assembled an inventory of chemicals that could make a serious sized explosive. (Hmmm ... I wonder if ASIO tracks these kinds of things?) Being able to take a plunge in a perfectly temperatured pool after a 39 degree day isn't too bad either. Roll on summer.

The low employment rate is starting to bite at work. At the same time, I know plenty of people who are looking around for alternate employment. It's a matter of finding the best fits, I guess. When I started work in the early 90s, you couldn't find an accounting job for love nor money. Now it's gimps straight out of uni wanting $50K per year. Pah!

I'm turning 35 soon! I've started drafting a birthday post but finding it hard to work out want I want to say (not an unusual predicament). I do, however, feel that having nothing to say would be wrong.

And finally, I picked up my guitar for the first time since the operation! Here is video to prove it.



One would have thought that a near 6 month, self imposed layoff would have inspired some creativity ... sorry.

Guess who's back ... back again? *

Not quite a month off, and I don't really feel bad about it. For two reasons:

It's been very hard to write anything. Change that. It's been very hard to WANT to write anything, so I don't know if it was hard to actually write. Also, since taking the medication (6 weeks now, I think) I have been experiencing some changes and some realisations about myself.

• Time.

I have a different view of time now. Things used to seem to have to be done nownownow and, if they weren't, I'd get the guilts and just end up leaving things. Now I feel that I can put things in their appropriate space, but also give things their own time.

Part of this realisation came about during a trip over east to meet up with my counterparts from other states (multi-national corporate slave that I am). In terms of age, I discovered that the nearest to me is 14 years my senior, the oldest is probably another 5 -10 years older than him.

So, alone in my hotel room staring at the ceiling, I realised that I have no need to push my career as much anymore. If older people are happy doing what I am doing, then I have made an achievement and can now focus on building my career from the 'inside', as opposed to the energy I've spent trying to find the right career in the right industry.

I'll try to explore this later, because it sounds like a small thing when re-reading but I now have a feeling of peace about myself that I don't remember ever having before.

• Jealousy

I also realised that I am a very jealous person. In fact, I would say that jealousy has been the number 1 driver of almost everything I have done or attempted. If you are a person that I have know in real (or semi-real, ie internets) life, it is almost certain that I have spent time being insanely jealous of something you have, done or said.

Having the green eyed monster as your 'coach' is a surefire way of never being happy. This attitude has not only made me focus externally, I've never really focussed internally. In the wash up, sometimes I've not even known what I've been jealous about.

So that's the two big breakthroughs that have occurred. And I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't have occurred without the medication that I'm now taking. So yay for little white pills.

Now I need to find the little pill that gets me back writing regularly.

* A measure of my success in addressing my thinking patterns is that the song came into my head during work and I immediately thought "What is Eminem doing these days?" In times past, I would not have been able to resist going on the web to find out there and then. Now, I haven't even bothered. Baby steps, sure, but steps nonetheless.

Eeeeeew

Or is it Ewwwwwwwww?

Either way, that's the result of the surgery (approx 10cms long). I can't say whether it's been successful or not as I'm still on an enforced rest period - no lifting, gardening or playing guitar allowed. It does feel looser though. Beforehand, pressing your thumb just above the cut was like pressing wood, now it's as loosey-goosey as a normal arm. So I'm hopeful that I won't have any more issues.

The medication is going well, sort of. I can't say that I've felt depressed in the time that I've been taking it, but I have noticed some anxiety issues where I've been waking up at all hours thinking about things (that would ordinarily be easily solved) and I've had a bad stomach which is normal when I get anxiety.

The waking up issues I've put down to my procrastination (depression related) coming up against my anxiety over work. To that end, I've started using the methods from Getting Things Done which has allowed me the ability to focus on small tasks and maintain a sense of control (and get things done!). Highly recommended.

The lack of blogging has been from general tiredness and reacquainting myself with Francis Crawford of Lymond. I must say that I love these books, although Dorothy Dunnett does expose my rudimentary French in all it's crappiness. Again, highly recommended if you buy a French (and Latin, and Spanish) dictionary.

So that's the small update. I haven't really been thinking too much about depression as I wanted a bit of a rest so there's no pearls of wisdom around at the moment. Instead, have a pool shot of the Bomb and me in the pool.



(Since that shot, the water feature is done and the headers are sitting on our front lawn awaiting installation - progress!)

Is Hungry Jacks heaven sent?

The Hungry Jacks near us had a fire go through it last week and was shut down. We drove past it tonight on the way home when the Princess noticed it had been repaired and people were eating inside again. In a very loud voice she shouts

'Hungry Jacks is fixed and working, Praise the Lord!'

I think I may have to monitor the frequency with which she eats there!