I don't do New Year's resolutions much.

Or grammar.

Mostly, I do Old Year's resolutions. That is, I spend New Year's Eve alternatively drinking and trying to recall both what on earth I resolved to do last year and whether or not it was achieved.

If memory serves me correct (he says, channeling Chairman Kaga), last year's Resolution was to 'get better'. This was achieved, but in a round-a-bout way: 'better' was initially meant to mean completely better, but was transformed into meaning 'better than I was before'.

And thus, I also believe that this is one of the few times that I've set and achieved an NYR.

(I am well aware that I'm not only too lazy to keep typing the subject of this post in full, I'm also too lazy to copy and paste it. Beating depression is all about understanding and accepting your limitations. Mine is a lack of diligence. Otherwise known as the king-lazies. I also procrastinate, which is why this paragraph is longer than typing NYR.)

I achieved an NYR when, at about age 21, I stopped drinking for a year. This was easy to do as I was dirt poor and could barely afford uni books let alone any of the good stuff. I was also a very angry young man when I started drinking and didn't want to be like that anymore. That problem has been solved - I'm now a funny older man when I drink. Well, at least I think so and, since another part of handling depression is not seeking validation externally but internally, I'll just keep on thinking so.

Another NYR that succeeded was to get married. Granted, I set this when I was about 17 and achieved it about 9 years later, but I don't bow to anyone's petty rules, including the one about NYR's lasting for a year. It was set in a new year, and it was resolved, ok??? Fine.

What I hate about developing a new NYR, as opposed to recycling one from last year, is that I end up with a list a mile long. (Yes, I've measured it - only the facts on this blog). Anything from losing weight, to budgeting better, to being happy, to not being sad to blogging more gets thrown onto the list. And none of it makes me happy.

Partly, it's because I still have a problem with goal-setting taking the fun out of things. Partly it's just because a bunch of affirmations is still an ugly to-do list that screams out that it needs to BE DONE. NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW. I hate that. I prefer to run on 2BarRiff time, which does not run on the same urgency as the rest of the world.

I tried to cut the list down to 2 big things. But even that was a bit bleah. Again with the to-do list.

So this year's NYR has been slimmed down to something that I think will last because it's more value laden:

EAT SLOWLY

Yup, that's it.

The driver was the realisation that I wasn't enjoying food (although I was enjoying eating). I had the impression that my sense of taste was becoming less sensitive and so wanted to slow down eating to spend more time experiencing tastes and textures.

But, more than eating, I also want to consume everything at a slower rate. I chew through books quickly but retain little knowledge unless I read them again. I start something focusing mainly on the end, not on the process of doing it. I'm impatient and have less joy in my life than I want.

I want to spend more time writing, learning and creating but I believe that it won't happen at the rate I'm going. Aside from the amount of grey hairs that I'm creating - that's rocketing along.

So Eat Slowly. Rush less. Experience more.

We'll see how it goes. In 11 month's time anyway.

New Favourite Site - LOL DJs

Still here, but sort of not ...

Just having a blogging holiday for a while. Lotsa reading and thinking, plenty of working.

Plenty of swimming in this 40 degree heat, too.

Will start writing again soon. I think.

One more thing that I just don't get

Hello, my name is 2BarRiff and I am an accountant.

So much so that I get the Australian Financial Review home delivered so I can read it at work with my first coffee.

Now it's not often that I find something in the AFR that horrifies me, aside from paying $2.70 for 56 pages, or the appalling website. But today on page 6 there was an article titled "Watching pay TV gets more expensive".

Within, I found that normal, basic, Foxtel was going up $1 per month to $31.95 per month. That's not so bad. What was shocking was finding out out that more than 40% of Foxtel's subscribers take the platinum package - now $105.95 per month. Eh?????

Now, granted that's 150 channels but at least 148 of them are crap most days. And the other 2 are usually some obscure sports show or reruns of Hey Dad.

To put it in perspective, for that price you could pay our monthly private health insurance, or my life insurance - yes, Madame2Bar becomes a millionaire if I kick the bucket. It also pays nearly 3 semesters of the Princess' school fees or 2 month's worth of 'Thin Review' home deliveries.

And at least those are tax deductible.

I weep for the future of mankind #833

So, I'm standing at the counter at Miss Maud's when the lady next to me orders a Chicken and Salad Baguette.

Only she pronounced it Bag-you-et-tea.

Most addictive site ever?

iSketch.

Find me in the easy rooms!!!

5 more guitar tracks

I had a thought recently to revisit my list of 5 songs that were big influences on me guitarwise, mainly because the list, as presented, seemed to have shredded my indie credibility.

Plus I was stuck in a 2 day OH&S seminar. Bleah. Snore. Bleah.

So here's another list that will hopefully enhance my coolness:

The Stone Roses: She Bangs the Drum. The guitar work always sounds like 2 guitars when it's usually just one. Plus a cool bass riff as well.

The Smiths: This Charming Man. Run that intro a few times. Amazing - I can remember being so frustrated trying to learn it. Must be why I hate Morrissey.

Lloyd Cole & the Commotions: Lost Weekend: In fact, all of 'Easy Pieces' is pretty cool to play along with. The last few seconds of the video is a reminder why skinny Englishmen should not dance.

Matthew Sweet: Sick of Myself. The riff is one that I almost always play when I pick up a guitar.

James: Born of Frustration. Not a real 'guitar-y' track but a cool riff nonetheless. Anyway, it was either this or 'Linger' by the Cranberries and I like this song more. I don't know why the radio stations play 'Laid' and not this song.

Note to self: Must try harder

I don't consider myself all that dumb when it comes to things internetty. What I want I can usually find. Witness, for instance, this, this, this or this - all stuff I was looking for and found.

However, when it comes to blogs about depression, I've never been able to find much that is either a) good b) updated regularly or c) both. (As opposed to this blog which is none of the above).

So it was with a tiny bit of personal shame that I finally got hold of this: The top 10 depression blogs as rated by psychcentral.com. Shame that I had missed it, and shame that I wasn't on it. Maybe if I was more depressed and could be bothered writing about it I might get somewhere in this blogging caper.

The reality is that I've been wallowing in some shallow depths of despair by letting small things get the better of me. Work, relationships, parents, church, parents, parents, kids, parents and so on. At a superficial level things look crap but, when I could be bothered to stretch my view out over a longer term, they aren't so bad. Batting away the procrastination is still harder than I though it would.

I guess I'm forgetting the lessons I'm learning about viewing time and so on. With OneBarRiff staring down the barrel of a 6 to 12 months life expectancy, you'd think I would be able to put things in perspective. Even with depression.

The good thing out of all this is that I now have about 8 new depression sites to visit to, ah, make me feel better 'n stuff.

Grrr

I can't believe it! I'm in the mood to go through my drafts and actually post something but I can't find my memory stick.

Now I have to come up with something new. Crap!

Bits 'n Bobs

My great return to blogging has been a little less than impressive. Thankfully, with Madame2Bar out visiting a friend in hospital, the kids in bed and bugger all on TV I have almost zero excuse to blog.

After working my way through the procrastination flowchart, that is (thanks Téa).

I just realised that, even though I've not been blogging, I have at least a dozen draft posts and a good size more ideas sitting on my thumb drive awaiting posting. Which makes me question whether I am a) depressed or b) just a lazybum.

The fascist Howard dictatorship has now been turfed out of office. I must admit that it would have been funnier watching Labor self-destruct after another defeat, than the inevitable Liberal 'handbags-at-dawn' fight over the tattered remains of what is left of their party. I won't cry myself to sleep that Kevni won ... the Liberals have been hard to love lately. I wonder if the party will reform under a new title or continue as Australia descends to one-party rule? Interesting times ...

My little brother, heretofore dubbed 'OneBarRiff', has been in hospital for a number of months with some pretty serious stuff. He thinks he contracted it when his immune system was low on account of depression. Wait a minute ... sister, brother, me ...? I'm sensing a pattern here. So are my parents, which brings more crap to deal with.

Owning a pool is great. I think I've assembled an inventory of chemicals that could make a serious sized explosive. (Hmmm ... I wonder if ASIO tracks these kinds of things?) Being able to take a plunge in a perfectly temperatured pool after a 39 degree day isn't too bad either. Roll on summer.

The low employment rate is starting to bite at work. At the same time, I know plenty of people who are looking around for alternate employment. It's a matter of finding the best fits, I guess. When I started work in the early 90s, you couldn't find an accounting job for love nor money. Now it's gimps straight out of uni wanting $50K per year. Pah!

I'm turning 35 soon! I've started drafting a birthday post but finding it hard to work out want I want to say (not an unusual predicament). I do, however, feel that having nothing to say would be wrong.

And finally, I picked up my guitar for the first time since the operation! Here is video to prove it.



One would have thought that a near 6 month, self imposed layoff would have inspired some creativity ... sorry.