20 things about friends I learned from my son

From almost the moment our first child was born, we have been referring to the kids' character toys (teddy bears, Barbie dolls etc) as their 'Friends'. Inspired by The Bomb demanding two of his friends at 5.00 am this morning, I have compiled "20 things about friends that I learned from my son".

1. The best friends are the ones that can be used properly.
2. Any friend is a good friend if they can play in bed with you.
3. You sleep better with a friend beside you.
4. If you run out of friends, Mum & Dad will get you a new one.
5. There is always one more friend waiting for you on the shelf.
6. Any friend that falls apart can be easily replaced by another.
7. Your total amount of friends is only limited by how much money Mum & Dad will spend on you.
8. Friends don't mind if you strip them naked in front of other friends.
9. Friends don't mind if you draw all over them after they are stripped.
10. Friends don't mind if you leave them buried in the sand pit overnight.
11. If your friends disappear, Mum & Dad will look for them (while you are busy playing with other friends).
12. Chances are, you will get at least one new friend this Christmas.
13. Friends that are no good anymore can be thrown out.
14. It's ok to use a friend to hurt your sister.
15. If you lose a friend, they are probably under the couch.
16. If they aren't under the couch, look around for five minutes then grab another friend.
17. Banging a friend's head on the table is only fun for a couple of minutes.
18. Friends won't touch your food, your drink or your other friends without your permission.
19. Friends will allow you to blame them for your failings.
20. It doesn't matter what colour your friend is, it's how much abuse they can take that counts.