Sunday 28 June 2009

Looking at the world through shit-coloured glasses


I've only recently come to the conclusion that I am not as well as I had thought.

Initially, I had thought that it was just getting down because a few job applications did not work out but there seems to have been a theme going back to probably the start of the year.

Lately, it's manifesting itself in everything coming up crap. Sometimes in life, it takes no effort to see the good things in the world and enjoy them. For me, now, it seems like that will take more effort than I can give.

I'm viewing the lack of work as a reflection on myself, the concern at my situation from those close by as annoying and unwanted intrusions, and my future as decidedly bleak.

I've wanted to sell my guitars and forget about music, throw out my books and delete my mp3s. Quit running, drop out of basketball.

Cause it's just too hard AND because I just don't know if I'll ever have the ability to care in the same way as before.

Yeah it's depressing.

And I swore in the post title. Madame2Bar is going to kill me.

1 comment:

TroyG said...

Time to increase the amount of medication? Or to get some?

If you stay like this for too long (more than a fortnight), go the happy pills. Or maybe get onto it now - it takes time to get into a doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist to get a prescription to get the pills for them to work.

I can sympathise about the job. I shudder to think how much time it took me to get this one - which is low-paid and not full-time but it's better than being on the dole.