Swiming against the tide in a river of shit

And no snorkel ...

Well, the 6 month anniversary in the new job is almost here and things are not quite where I anticipated.

My request to God for a reasonably run, cash strong business has been denied, in favour of a basket case with endless cash issues. I've always known that cash hassles are a fact of life with SME's, they just should be a way of life.

It's no stretch to say that I would have preferred unemployment to the position I'm in now.

However ...

Bad timing in the accounting job market at the moment leaves me needing to stay for at least a couple of months.

AND

I find out this morning that my boss has resigned, and thus I've had calls from the directors wanting to know if I'm leaving too. My answer: No, I'm not looking for work which is a LIE since I saw my mate at the agency on Friday.

*Sigh*

I'm pretty sure I can turn this into more $$$ for me which is one reason this job has only ever been a temporary consideration but will the place last long enough?

Depression, I'm learning, is about having too many questions and not enough ammo to deal with them. Well, besides gin.

My Big Mouth

I wonder sometimes why I even bother. My parents travelled around Europe about 8 years ago and stayed in YHA accommodation. They had a ball and said the places they stayed in were very clean and very nice. Friends of mine are in Europe as I type and they were astounded at the prices of B & B's as they were taking their three children. So big mouth me suggested the YHA's as an alternative. They booked.

Apparently the ones they've stayed at are CRAP and now I've got the blame for the suffering they are going through and ruining their holiday. But the email ends with 'Still love ya even if I am suffering because of you!'

Great. That tops off a crappy few months!

Looking at the world through shit-coloured glasses

Again.

I've only recently come to the conclusion that I am not as well as I had thought.

Initially, I had thought that it was just getting down because a few job applications did not work out but there seems to have been a theme going back to probably the start of the year.

Lately, it's manifesting itself in everything coming up crap. Sometimes in life, it takes no effort to see the good things in the world and enjoy them. For me, now, it seems like that will take more effort than I can give.

I'm viewing the lack of work as a reflection on myself, the concern at my situation from those close by as annoying and unwanted intrusions, and my future as decidedly bleak.

I've wanted to sell my guitars and forget about music, throw out my books and delete my mp3s. Quit running, drop out of basketball.

Cause it's just too hard AND because I just don't know if I'll ever have the ability to care in the same way as before.

Yeah it's depressing.

And I swore in the post title. Madame2Bar is going to kill me.

Yee-Ouch!

I woke up last night with all sorts of pain in my left little finger.

Seems I went a little too hard a basketball last night and either whacked someone or something. I never noticed it at the time, as I was hell-bent on my mission to get out of a 3 week scoring rut. Which succeeded, yo!

Hopefully my amateur patch-up job will see it right before finals.

Depression update

Since you're all hanging on an update:

1. I had my last schedule counseling session about a month ago. I was good.

2. Further counseling sessions are at my discretion. Which is nice cause the fees went up again.

3. I just realised that I've forgotten to take my anti-depression medication for about a week. The only effect that I've noticed is that I've started to go back into the pattern of not wanting to sleep. Other than than I have been very stable as far as moods go. That said, not having to work for 2 months has put me on a very mellow setting.

Continuing Job Follies

So I decided not to take the lower paying job even though the industry is way more exciting than I've worked in, in the past.

It came down to the fact that the boss wanted to pay around $10K lower per year than my minimum, which was about $25K pa less than what I earned in my previous job. My minimum was a level that Madam2Bar and I worked out we could live relatively comfortably on with a few sacrifices.

Good news is that I also had a prelim interview at an agency for another position which looks good.

I'm not sure about other industries, but job ads from agencies for accounting related positions tend to be light on specifics - especially about the company. I was, however, able to use my l33t interweb skillz and the googlegod came up with what turned out to be the correct company.

So midway through the interview I was able to drop some info regarding the company, it's set up, history etc etc. And it turns out that I'd worked for a company that was in a related industry.

Hopefully, we'll have good news this week.

Sacrificing a good actual opportunity for a potentially great but not certain opportunity is hard, though.

I still hate looking for work

Let me clarify the previous post.

Looking for work <>= unemployed

Looking for work = looking for work and can be employed or unemployed

Unemployed = having no job and looking for work.

Until now I've never been 'unemployed' so I don't feel too qualified to comment on being unemployed.

I can, however, talk with much experience about looking for work while employed (or, in my case, on 'self funded long service leave').

And the worst part is, for me, having an offer and second guessing on whether to take this job or wait a while for something better that may or may not come about.

The second worst thing about looking for work is having nothing to look at.

The thirst worst thing is tossing up whether to take a job that is around $25-30K p.a. less than the previous job.

I hate looking for work.

Probably the worst part of looking for work occurs at what should be the best time: A job is offered and I need to decide to take it or not.

This is when the second guessing occurs. What if something better is just around the corner? Should I hang out for more money? Does this job have an exit strategy in case it all turns pear shaped?

The job I'm looking at is is in an industry that I would LURVE to work in. But it is at around $25K a year less than I was earning, and no car. Sacrificing the $$ for personal satisfaction is all well and good, it's just the other 3 humans in the house that I also need to think about. We're risking music lessons, ballet, sports, movies, luxuries etc. just so I can hang with the kewl people.

Sigh.

The second guessing is killing me.

The Week so far ...

Jobs applied for: 12
Calls Back: 1
Parenting Help at school: 1
Kilometers Run: 23.5
Kilograms Lost: 2.5
Hours Practicing Guitar: 6
Hours on Guitar Hero: 1
Hours Playing on WII: 6
Books Read: 2

I could get used to unemployment.

Whoah!

In his best Bill & Ted voice

So I thought to myself that it's time to check on the blog and maybe tend to a few weeds. After all, it's been a couple of weeks since I posted anything.

A couple of weeks?????OMGWTFBBQ!!??

I think 4 months of non-blogging is some kind of anti-internet crime. I admit, however, to being internet-slack. Lotsa work, work, work, appendicitis scare for the Princess, other assorted bric-a-brac (redundancy alert!!!) of stuff. And the only internet-y stuff has been passive at best.

Except for fighting Madame2Bar off the computer owing to her Facebook related Tetris & Bejeweled addictions. Sigh.

Anyway, I think I'll be posting some more in future. Well, after the week in Bali starting tomorrow!!! (Totally NOT funded by any fiscal stimulus payments thank you very not Mr Rudd).

Then I'll be finding out what the world of the unemployed looks like, as Mr 2BarRiff and the tyrants at GFoC have reached agreement that our lives would be better without each other. They get to keep the car, laptop, mobile, fuel card, unfinished work (ho ho ho) and I get to keep the remnants of the sanity that I pulled out of my depression in a totally Arthur/Excalibur way, but with better imagery than I can summon right now.

Life is good.